Golden
by hsds
Summary: She is golden and he is an unworthy boy from brooklyn. Dan's POV on the DS relationship


Author's Note: I took some liberties with the storyline for 608. This is mostly Dan's pov.

**His Golden Girl**

The first time he sees her standing at the top of the stairs looking down at him, he could feel his heart stop. In that moment, he knows he has fallen despite how cliché it is. Love at first sight is for romantics, not fourteen year old cynics. He is a great ball of contradiction insecurity, arrogance, cynicism, and optimism all rolled into one.

So in an act of misguided desperation he comes up with a plan that is part crazy, part genius. But, mostly he is pathetically in love and no one can convince him otherwise.

The second time he sees her is shortly after her return from boarding school. She is as fresh-faced and beautiful as he imagined. For nearly two years he sat back and put things in motion. What he'd unwittingly done was make her more unattainable than she'd already been. His golden princess was back, but he was too scared to really do something about it. Fate or God, call it what you will took care of his indecision. Soon he found himself in the path of his golden girl, the epitome of perfection. But, he realizes nothing is as perfect as it seems. It doesn't make him love her less if anything he loves her more. He wants to take care of her, to hold her in his arms and will the demons away. She is more beautiful on the outside. Serena is truly golden and he knows that deep down he is unworthy.

That first year together is poetry and magic and speaks to every positive aspect of his being. He loves her deeply and for some reason she sees beyond his cynical façade and loves him back, but he knows the magic can never last. It always fades. Good things don't belong to poor Brooklyn boys like himself. She's beyond his reach and his biggest fear is that one day she will wake up and realize how true this is.

Everything is perfect in his world until Georgina comes breezing into town with her fistful of Serena-laden secrets and ammunition. He can feel Serena withdrawing from him. She's slipping away and he just wants her to open, to trust him. Why can't she see that his sarcastic barbs is just his insecurity peeking through. He'd walk over hot coals for her. He has bits and pieces of her, but he wants it all. That's always been his problem: he wants too much. He wanted a real family and he had it for a while and then that all came apart. He should know that wanting is always the problem. Soon they fall apart and he is sad, but he was expecting them too. She was too much. He wanted her too much.

Wanting too much is never a problem with the other women. He tried to make himself want them more convinced that the fates were punishing him for some past crime. He tried to love Vanessa. Dan had convinced himself that this was how it was supposed to be. She was after all his best friend, but no matter how hard he tried, she always came up empty. Not optimistic enough, too much like him, too familiar. Olivia was his desperate attempt at trying to recapture what he had with Serena. They had superficial qualities in common like their hair and sunny personality, but he soon learnt that Olivia was all show and no substance. Serena was real and she had this way of bringing him out of the dark and into the light.

They'd come so close again until he'd let the words of Blair get inside his head. Blair was his most devastating mistake. He wanted to blame her, to accuse of her of taking advantage of his state of mind, but the truth of the matter is that they used each other. They were both seeking a crutch, a weapon to use against Serena and Chuck for causing them pain. Looking back at it now, what he'd done was worse. He'd made himself believe that it was better to love someone like Blair. Someone who didn't make his blood boil with passion, someone he just didn't want like that. He used her like a child uses their mother's skirts. He was hiding because he couldn't handle having Serena again and losing her again. What if he wasn't enough? What if she let their parents win again? It just wasn't a chance he was willing to take. So, he chose the less safer path. -

That night in the Campbell apartment filled him with such confusion. After he finally let all those demons go and gave into her, the thought this is it. We can be together. This is our chance then he sees the tape and he realizes this isn't about him, but them. He feels a fool, but there is this voice in his head telling him that it's exactly what he deserves for ignoring her, ignoring her.

He lets anger overwhelm his soul. He's drowning in sadness and anger and all he wants is his life raft. Someone to reach over and pull him out, but there is no one because he is the one that is usually pulling people to shore; his father, his sister, Serena and even Blair. But, there is no one there to pull him to safety because he has pushed them all away, burnt his bridges. Dan pours himself another drink, hoping the alcohol will numb the regret. Lonely boy is no longer a moniker he has chosen for himself, but a reality of his own making. He wonders how this has happened what decision led to this free fall.

His plan is simple. Get her back. He wants Georgina to believe it's for revenge, but he knows what he wants, what he needs. Learning of her engagement is all he had to hear. He'd been putting off writing her chapter. He'd written and rewritten and had 35 pages of what could be described as romantic dribble. There were no words to describe Serena Van Der Woodsen. She was his golden vixen always within grasp, but not close enough. So, he sends a plan into motion. When his plan works something unravels in him. It is joy and contentment and a little something he can't describe, but when Chuck comes to him asking him the unthinkable he now has to decide between helping him out or potentially losing Serena. So, he publishes a short, scathing article that is full of harsh truths and he knows it will devastate her, but he is hoping she'll understand once she sees the piece he's really been working on.

He tries everything to talk sense into her, but even knowing what he did for Chuck, she still hasn't relented and he can't really say he blames her. So in one last ditch effort he sneaks the good article into her back. He stays up all night drinking. He hates the taste of whiskey. It burns his throat, but the warmth that envelopes him moments later is worth it. He stares out at the city skyline hoping that his planned worked. All of this, the life he had planned means nothing without her. Without Serena he is just another Brooklyn hipster novelist. There is nothing significant or special about him except for the fact the most extraordinary woman loves him and he knows without her he's doomed to living a grey life.

He showers and changes and as he is preparing his coffee she comes walking into his apartment. He can hear her heels clacking against the hardwood floors. He turns and smiles at her "You're here."

"Before I leave I just need to know if what you wrote is true?" she asks in a small voice.

"Every word."

"Which one is you? The one who wrote the article or the one who wrote this?"

He pauses. She doesn't know the half of it and that's when he decides to tell her. He is halfway through his tale when Georgina interrupts them. Eventually, she forgives him. She takes his hand and he knows he is the luckiest man on earth. To be forgiven for what he has done is a gift. She is a gift.

They live happy life. It is simple; Sunday morning espressos in bed and lazy afternoons reading the NY Times. They are in their own little bubble. For once no one is conspiring to keep them apart. Their families keep asking when they are going to marry and they look at each other and shrug. Marriage was never the plan. He just wanted her and for as long as possible. They were happy just the way they are until one morning they decide to just go with it. But, they don't care when or how it happens so they let Blair and Jenny handle the details. All they do is show up. He looks up at his beautiful golden girl and she takes his hand. They are not nervous. They've always belonged to one another. Dan smiles at his bride. He no longer fears losing her because deep down he knows she has always been his.


End file.
